kristinawood.com ~ View topic - The BonBon Bastion, Issue Six, Christmas Special

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

Greetings my name is Goldenrod Dael-Smith Markham the Third, I am wondering if I may start a newspaper for this fair city of delight and vice. Now I am not foolish and would like to garner opinion on this matter. Would a newspaper such as mine be welcome. We would publish only the truth and stick to the rules not to pitchfork the dead and never publish if we not sure of the truth of the story.

I am seeking both premises and backing. It is clear that a source of good information for this city is needed. I see that we have a good provider of horoscopes.

Now my fellow Bonbonite...er, Bonbonees well whatever what do you think and what stories of life here will you share with this sweet newshound.

The office is always open do drop by anytime....

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 1462

Welcome to the site...Mr Grinch. Razz

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

I am only a grinch when I am editing the paper I really would like people to drop off little stories here about life in Bonbon, funny, sad or just peculiar.

Mystic, dear heart take a seat and I will get you a cup of tea and a hot buttered crumpet...

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 671

Welcome GoldenRod! I look forward to reading your newspaper.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

The BonBon Bastion

First issue

New Paper in Town, Editor Hopes for Howling Success.

Greetings my fellow BonBon residents and welcome to the pages of The BonBon Bastion. First bit of news shall just be an editorial. I must say the welcome to this fair city as been both warm and very cordial. Many of the women of Bonbon have hugged me in the streets and asked if I needed a bed for the night. Kind offers indeed, but I have a small garret at the paper and that will suffice.

This city is both cosmopilitan and diverse. Many species and all so accommodating. I have had my first experience of that here but I am a gentleman and we gentlemen never tell. I have yet to visit the local Castle Delight but I would love to visit there incognito. I shall do that and few shall recognize this newshound I promise you.

Now for some other news.

The impromptu sharpshooting contests and fast draw contests, have received requests to stop. Apparently the loud bangs are waking some of the more late rising citizens and putting some off the stroke whilst in the park bushes. I haven't seen much golf played here but I have printed this in the cause of harmony. Also it appears that it is ruining some building enterprises somehow. A lady who shall remain nameless stated, "The erection went down like a house of cards. Fair ruined my day it did. Poor fellow is quite upset."

So please only engage in these contests in the proper places.

In other news an out of town singer will be arriving later this week, this singer will try to sing at the more illustrious establishments in Bonbon. Repetoire will include, She Sits Amongst The Cabbages and Peas, My Old Man and other songs that will delight in their comic value. The Great Goldie Lily hopes those that manage to see these performance will enjoy them. Do try an see these performances as this performer has that little something special.

Could the person responsible for the theft of one golden walking cane please return it. The fellow will be rewarded and I won't regard raccoons in any disfavor I promise. The item holds great sentimental value and is greatly missed.

Lastly, to one sweet snake I would like to say, Can we meet to dance again when the time is right.

Advert, Ingram's Electropathic Erectile Developer.

For the gentleman that requires a little assistance in the department of romantic relationships. The Ingram's Electropathic Erectile Developer as recommended by kings and princes will enable the red headed champion of your youth to assume his former glory. Through the beneficial stimulus of a mild current. Guaranteed effective in ninety percent of cases.

Please avoid getting the equipment wet and refrain violent jerks whilst wearing the item. Any severe shocks will be at the wearers fault. Please write to 4 Shockingwell Street for prices and a time of the custom fitting.

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/mlock/ · Rank: Artist Joined: 17 May 2008 Posts: 446

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

Thanks.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 4287

"looking at the paper and to randy"

hm... Whered you get that cane again randy?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 3215

Very nice. I can't for the next edition.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 4122

Very good, maybe you can make a picture of the pages for vanessa. Very Happy

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Oct 2008 Posts: 3273

Welcome to the forum! :3

Hope you enjoy your stay and I am looking forward on reading your next Issue newspaper! Very Happy

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 671

That was great! I can't wait for the next issue.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 3215

That was cool

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 3428

Good work on the News Paper... Just don't go into peoples personal affairs... <.< >.> <.< I mean problems.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

The Bon Bon Bastion, Issue Two

Fire Fighters Equipment Demo

The local firefighters have had an equipment demonstration day visited by the fine ladies from the Castle Delight. Apparently there was a minor misunderstanding on ladies part. The fliers that the BonBon Fire Department sent out seemed to have caused the ladies to think that the fire fighters were going to demonstrate a lot more than just hoses.

The flier read, “BonBon Fire Department will show any visitor their excellent equipment this Friday after 1pm this Friday. Please come and we shall endeavour to satisfy your curiosity. Ask us anything and we shall as ever rise to the occasion.”

Corran Halcyon, local hero and fire fighter, replied, “It didn’t go exactly as planned but the department is very happy to have such excellent visitors from the fine Castle. We will not hold another demonstration day for at least six months. Half department is now unable to even stand let alone fight a fire.”

When asked if he should have reworded the flier Corran answered, “No way, the wording was perfect if people misread it. I would say it is just bad luck…er, good luck.”

One of the ladies of the Castle told this reporter, “Sweety if they hold another we will visit again. Something about a handsome man in uniform that sets a heart aflutter and the juices…”

This reporter must say that he is very perturbed to have missed this event. I will try to take up the offer of an equipment demonstration from a handsome fire fighter someday. The department has requested that people are very careful for a few days while they recover.

Return of one Walking cane, golden.

I would like to thank the person who returned one walking cane, very much. Could he now return the gold pocket watch, silver compass, and one golden propelling pencil. It would be nice to have those back too.

Local Problems with the Lighting Around Town

Local lamplighters are having difficulties with some people who seem to object to certain lamps being lit. They are doing an excellent job and would appreciate that people did not try to make them refrain from lighting the lamps as required.

One older lamplighter said, “Some courtin’ couples are not too pleased for us to light the lamps. It ain’t our fault, old ‘Stuffed Shirt’ bluey boy tells us we must do it or we get our wages docked. That Mayor makes us so mad sometimes…”

The tirade proceeded for longer than this but I only have a certain amount of page space. Please allow the lamp lighters to light the lamps.

Halloween Approaches

I must say that another item is coming to my attention. Could the lady who hung outside my garret window please come back. I found the conversation both fascinating and intriguing. The lady called herself Scarlet and was accompanied by some interesting companions.

Apparent Lady Scarlet will be celebrating the season with a moonlight flight and has requested that she is not gawked at on this night. Just because she will be naked is no reason for her to hear wolf calls and whistles. It is perfectly normal for her to fly around on the Halloween night.

I must say that she is rather attractive for a female but I have never met a more sweet lady. She is always welcome to visit me and we can discuss the ups and downs of love and lovers.

Famous Explorer Returns with New Extraordinary Fruit from Exotic Shores

One lady Plant-Hunter has returned to BonBon with a new fruit, the Oo-arr. The long fruit with a bulbous tip has proved popular amongst some residents of this fair place. One in particular is one Mary Blue, daughter of our town Mayor, she has had at least half a dozen of them. Simon Blue, our Mayor said, “I can not understand this. The fruit is both horrible in texture and taste. Even cooked it is like eating boiled glue.”

Mary however said, “They are immensely satisfying and I have sent out Wilson to get more. A wonderful discovery I really do love this new fruit.”

Advert, Arbuthnot’s Advanced Exercise Regime

At just three penny’s a week you receive a weekly exercise regime guaranteed to turn the most ardent slug-a-bed into a muscular dynamo. Our founder was once a ninety pound weakling but is now a two hundred pound powerhouse of mythical proportions.

Send requests to Arbuthnot Argyle, c/o The Rendle Guest House, 6 Thynne Street.
[/b]

Rank: Casual Joined: 29 Jul 2009 Posts: 46

excellent job on the newspaper looking forward to reading the next edition

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 4287

*reading*

Firefighter really starting to sound like a dam good job now. >_<

*reading more*

New fruit... fascinating.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 283

Fun stuff. Thanks for writing it!

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 30 Sep 2009 Posts: 9138

nicks xivk newspaper mine now

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 4122

This is the first newspaper I really like. Just the truth.

Keep it up goldie

Ooh and some news fact: Dessertwolf will post soon some regimes to get a flat body and stay flat.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 4287

Did drof pay you to annoy me dragonfly?

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 30 Sep 2009 Posts: 9138

maybe cant really rember *takes out a bag of coins and start counting them 1/2/3

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 3428

I told you not to count in public... Well i can't keep a eye on you all the time. Tongue

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 30 Sep 2009 Posts: 9138

well drof i am a cheeta the fast animal on land so it is hard to keep up with me

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

Please note my fellow BonBon residents that if you have news articles and adverts for the paper please send a note to the editor, namely me.

Any I like I will post and give the reporter or copywriter a by line.

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/mlock/ · Rank: Artist Joined: 17 May 2008 Posts: 446

i find this newspaper quite amusing! XD
*check the time on his new pocket watch*
looking foward for the new issue!

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 21 Sep 2009 Posts: 219

The Bon Bon Bastion, Issue Three

Local Publisher Hires Bodyguard

Due to the number of thefts from the person of this newspaper’s publisher. It has become necessary to hire a local bodyguard. Having perused the options this retriever chose one Thomas Aaron, a cute grey wolf. The return of the items the publisher lost before has been accomplished with Thomas’s excellent help.

The publisher must say that Thomas is both a handsome wolf and so skilled. His honor without question and his body is most excellent too. Sorry Thomas but the publisher must be truthful, you are a definite head turner. It is recommended that all needing a bodyguard hire this former soldier and wolf of unquestioning loyalty.

The publisher must admit that even though we managed to get the items returned. Now could the infamous local rogue please just explain one thing. How did you manage to steal one of the papers printing presses?

Help Wanted

Required one maid for local newspaper must be efficient, rapid and diligent. Excellent rates of pay and the successful applicant will receive an education if required. The gender of the candidate is not relevant, but must be very broadminded.

Halloween Ball

A Halloween Ball is to be arranged and all are welcome to the open air dance in the park. The mayor has asked that all dancers behave themselves with both modesty and decorum. The response to that request has best been described as mixed in the derision that idea received.

One local said, “The fellow must be daft, this is Bon Bon not some stuffy high faluting town.”

Another responded, “If that fellow has any idea about Bon Bon it is just so out of date it is not true.”

The last said, “Nuts to him, sir. I want fun and when I wants fun. Meg Hazelnut gets it. Simon Blue can go jump in a….”

As can be seen the mayor can request modesty and decorum but he is unlikely to get it. This publisher has no doubt everyone will have the fun that Bon Bon is famous for or may be that is infamous for.

Local Mayor’s House Pelted By Stale Nuts

Simon Blue, our esteemed mayor has had his house pelted by stale nuts. The damage was minor to the building but the famous dignitary responded with characteristic bluster and fire. One local nutseller was questioned but nothing could be proved. She was released and proceeded to show her tail to the accuser before departing.

This publisher must say the lady has both an independence of spirit and true drive. I applaud the lady and hope she gets to meet up with a fellow Bon Bon citizen who will match her at the dance.

Advert, Micklewhite’s Marvellous Marionette

For those lonely females who desire company but can not afford the expense of more expensive toys of this order. May the noble Micklewhite suggest the One Move Marionette. An amazingly durable toy that can be used almost indefinitely.

Please send all enquiries via box 12 of this newspaper, all purchases are final no refunds, even if it does break after a week.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Oct 2008 Posts: 3273

*Lidia picks up a newspaper from the Newspaper cabinet.*

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Jan 2009 Posts: 4287

*reading...*

Halloween ball... this calls for sum mischief... "evil laughter"