Author |
Message |
|
PleasureBonBon Forum -> PleasureBonBon.com Fursonas ~ My fursona: Artyom Voskella Derison |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:16 am
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
Name: Artyom Voskella Derison
Nationality: Russian
Species: Black Panther
Age: 28
Weight: 187lbs
Height: 6'1"
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Appearance: He is physically fit from working several years in steel factories and farms. He has a scar on the right side of his face that he recived during the time he spent working for the "People's Will" Revolutionary group. His fur is jet black except for his ears which are maroon and a maroon stripe along his tail.
Hair: Short silver hair
Eyes: Emerald Green
Occupation: Wood and Metal working, Agricultural work, former revolutionary
Hobbies: enjoys hunting, cooking, playing his acoustic guitar, and swordsmanship
Clothing: Dark brown boots, brown pants, grey trench coat with white button up shirt underneath. He always wears a Russian Cossack Kindjal sword on his left-hand side attached to his belt. He also wears his acoustic guitar slug over his shoulder in canvas bag to protect from the elements or a Mosin Nagant rifle when hunting
Pic of sword
Pic of Rifle
Pic of Guitar
HTTP://www.maccaripugliese.com/Duo_Maccari-Pugliese/N-giulguitar.html
(Pre-Bon Bon)History: He comes form a poor family that lived in the outskirts of Moscow. He eldest of his younger sister. During his early years he spent most of his time most of his time working on his families farm and crops as well as hunting with his father. When he was 17 he got a job at a local steel factory and worked there for several years. Around the age of 21 he was fired for participating in a strike to get better wages and working conditions of the factory workers. He tried to get jobs around the city but the government had him black listed and he was unable to find employment. Outraged by this he joined group dubed the "The People's Will". They first stated with strikes and roots around various cities in Russia, but eventually led to a full-blown government over throw. At the age of 24 he participated in an assassination of the czar. All went according to plan but the Czar's death did not spark the popular uprising that they had predicted. In retaliation the government systematically hunted down an executed members of the group.
They killed his parents but managed to get his sister in hiding with the aid of some revolutionaries while he fled to Spain. While in Spain he became fascinated by the acoustic guitar. He took lessons an was able to play exceptionally well at the age 26. As well as learning swordsmanship skill with his fathers sword. A few years later he recived a letter from an old friend that the government had found out where he was hiding. The letter mentioned Bon Bon and how he could start a new life there.
History in Bon Bon (So far): He had some trouble reaching the town due to the map being off he was aided by three residents of the town to find his way to Bon Bon. He currently lives at an Inn on the edge of town (still working on the name). In Bon Bon he has a done a variety of "odd jobs" for the residents of the town. He can normally be found helping out his friend at the "Pleasure Shot", exploring the outskirts of Bon Bon, and sometimes preforms at the "The White Rabbit Bar"(mentioned in the "New Information RP"). He frequented the bar alot and eventually asked the owner if he needed any new musical acts to bring in more customers.
Personality: well-mannered, and polite, but can smart arse sometimes. He is resentful of authority figures, but tries not to show it but his pride sometimes gets in the way. He has a good sense of humour although he might say something that he thinks is funny but others don't seem to agree. He doesn't mind the city, but prefers the country side. He is not very social and prefers to be alone.
This is my first fursona ever. What do you think? |
Last edited by Artyom Derison on Sat Sep 24, 2011 5:58 pm; edited 3 times in total _________________ "Why, yes I am a rocket scientist." -My evil twin >.>
My Fursona
HTTP://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11745
My FA
HTTP://www.furaffinity.net/user/artyomderison/ |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:41 am
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 25 Nov 2009
Posts: 1640
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:59 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:27 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Posts: 2173
|
|
((Artyom Derison,
Well... consider this a mixed blessing. I don't comment on many of these threads, as I find most don't care for the harsh critique I tend to give characters.
Anyway, I'd like to draw attention to your final paragraph. So... your character is hot, except when he's cold? Musically inclined, except when he's tone-deaf. Angry, except when he's happy. Polite, except when he's being crass. He's light, except when he's dark. He's charismatic, except when he's indecisive. He's a social butterfly, except when he wants to be alone. Do you see where I'm going with this? All of your "personality" characteristics are bi-polar opposites. It's... cliche. Pick a personality for your character, and go with it.
OH! Along those lines, is Artyom literate? Also, being that he's a revolutionary, is he charasmatic, or more of a sheep follwing a charasmatic person. In some ways... your character sounds more like a sheep following someone else.
As for the labor riots... you might want to revamp that as well. While the American federal government supported business more than the worker, the feds really only sent in troops "to keep the peace." Companies tended to hire Pinkerton's or Private Security, and workers tended to mob-tactic intimidate the facilities. Anyway, point being, you might want to look up some of the labor issues in the States from 1860 - 1890 to get a better work up for the labor riots.
Also, a while Unions were barely tolerated, communists were practically unheard of... other than Marx. And, if you were labeled a communist few, if any, would harbor you. Fascism got away with a lot that it did, because of the general fear of communism.
Also, is his fur black or silver? You mention he has black fur, and then short, silver hair... so... which is it?
Just some thoughts. )) |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:10 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
Thanks for the suggestions Caroline. It was my first fursona ever so I really wasn't sure if I made it right.
The reason he's on the run is not because he's not a communist it was because he was involved in the assination of the Czar.
Since you say that my character's personality is bi-polar I could possible make two characters. One a revolutionary the other a musician. Its just a thought. |
Last edited by Artyom Derison on Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:39 pm; edited 1 time in total _________________ "Why, yes I am a rocket scientist." -My evil twin >.>
My Fursona
HTTP://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11745
My FA
HTTP://www.furaffinity.net/user/artyomderison/ |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:18 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 9138
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:39 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
Caroline wrote: |
Also, is his fur black or silver? You mention he has black fur, and then short, silver hair... so... which is it?
|
Black fur with silver hair. It's not that hard to figure out. |
_________________
Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:53 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 08 Sep 2008
Posts: 3428
|
|
Heh cool Russian man. |
_________________ yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. that's why it is called the present.
quoted by master Oogway off kong fu panda
Some weep, some cry, some make couches fly. - Katmir
Let me stand behind you in times of peace, let me stand infront of you in times of war, let me stand beside you as a equall, as a friend. |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:12 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Posts: 2173
|
|
((Now, now, Silvador. No need to be snarky. It was hard enough for me to figure out. )) |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 12:40 am
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
I made some changes to his personality.
@Caroline: He is literate how else would he be able to read the letter warning him that the government found him and to flee to Bon Bon. Also the the way Russia delt with riots was much different than what we did here in the U.S. not to mention they were still ruled by a king or Czar as called him. |
_________________ "Why, yes I am a rocket scientist." -My evil twin >.>
My Fursona
HTTP://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11745
My FA
HTTP://www.furaffinity.net/user/artyomderison/ |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:23 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Posts: 2436
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:25 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:05 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Posts: 2173
|
|
((To Artyom Derison,
I asked about the literacy, as literacy then wasn't the same as it is now. Some people could "read", but not at a terribly high or fluent level. There were still careers made out of folks who could read/write. Anyway, you mentioned he was a farmer and then an industrial worker. Hence the question if he could actually read or not.
Also, while I understand that Imperial Russia and the Czar are different than the United States and the Federals, it was more a suggestion than anything. I do get that the Czars (which is a Russianification of Caesar) and the Czarist government were anti-democracy/free speach/right to assembly sorts of things.
Anyway, you get on with your bad revoltin' self... yeah... my humor takes some getting used too. )) |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 5:01 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Fri Aug 19, 2011 5:57 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:17 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Posts: 2709
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:26 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Posts: 2436
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:39 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
silverleaf wrote: |
nice fur Arty, he sounds like he'll be interesting addition to Bon Bon
*slapping arty on the back* Greetings Comrade!
Caroline's humor is more like fine chocolate to me, because it's a lot like mine, sometimes even when i say something i find funny others don't get it.
|
Greeting indeed comrade Silverleaf would you like some Vodka? *Take bottle out of his pack*
A bit of caution comrade if you make me mad I'll kick you with my fist
(I'm just being random today) |
_________________ "Why, yes I am a rocket scientist." -My evil twin >.>
My Fursona
HTTP://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11745
My FA
HTTP://www.furaffinity.net/user/artyomderison/ |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:39 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
Artyom Derison wrote: |
silverleaf wrote: |
nice fur Arty, he sounds like he'll be interesting addition to Bon Bon
*slapping arty on the back* Greetings Comrade!
Caroline's humor is more like fine chocolate to me, because it's a lot like mine, sometimes even when i say something i find funny others don't get it.
|
Greeting indeed comrade Silverleaf would you like some Vodka? *Take bottle out of his pack*
A bit of caution comrade if you make me mad I'll kick you with my fist
(I'm just being random today)
|
In Soviet Russia, fist kicks you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTFG3J1CP8 |
_________________
Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:51 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Posts: 2436
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:52 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Posts: 2709
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:56 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
Space Cats wrote: |
Do I detect a Jon Lajoie reference?
No? Probably not. Maybe...?
|
Don't know. |
_________________
Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:59 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Posts: 2436
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:01 pm
|
|
|
Royal Member of BonBon
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 12351
|
|
Space Cats wrote: |
M.C. Vagina? If you don't get it I'm sure I look pretty silly right about now.
|
Sorry. No clue what you're talking about. |
_________________
Fursonas: http://tinyurl.com/yzcsyug |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:06 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Posts: 2436
|
|
Unfortunate, He makes some funny videos on YouTube, that was one of the lines in his one of his songs, "Ill kick you in the face with my fist." I thought maybe Arty might possibly have been referencing. |
_________________ My fursona, Félicette
My Furaffinity Account |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:10 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
Silvador wrote: |
Artyom Derison wrote: |
silverleaf wrote: |
nice fur Arty, he sounds like he'll be interesting addition to Bon Bon
*slapping arty on the back* Greetings Comrade!
Caroline's humor is more like fine chocolate to me, because it's a lot like mine, sometimes even when i say something i find funny others don't get it.
|
Greeting indeed comrade Silverleaf would you like some Vodka? *Take bottle out of his pack*
A bit of caution comrade if you make me mad I'll kick you with my fist
(I'm just being random today)
|
In Soviet Russia, fist kicks you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTFG3J1CP8
|
Exactly BTW that video was awesome
@SL calm down *Throws another bottle hitting SL in the face* |
_________________ "Why, yes I am a rocket scientist." -My evil twin >.>
My Fursona
HTTP://forums.pleasurebonbon.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11745
My FA
HTTP://www.furaffinity.net/user/artyomderison/ |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:18 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:57 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 9138
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:00 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 04 Jul 2011
Posts: 1665
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
Posted:
Tue Oct 18, 2011 3:25 pm
|
|
|
Rank: Super Veteran
Joined: 28 Aug 2011
Posts: 1386
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|