kristinawood.com ~ View topic

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

(um... you realise that he's still sitting on the couch... on the other side of the room, right?)

When Eliza seemed to have finished, the panther stood and walked over to her.

"May I see?" he asked.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

((Sorry, I missed that in reading. My apologies.))
"Oh! Most certainly."
She responded cheerfully.
Eliza felt pride in her finished piece.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

Silvador moved closer so he could see. Looking down at the page, he marvelled at the detail the fox had put into it.

"That's quite good," he said. "You should draw professionally."

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Oh... I never really thought about making it into a profession, honestly. I've always been fixated on clothing. But I'll take your word for it and take it into deep consideration."
She carefully studied the picture. In every detail she remembered from her mind.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"You're very good," Silvador said again as he returned to the couch.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

She smiled sweetly to him.
"Thank you very much." Her nose became just inches away from his.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

(Amane, I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you there, for a moment. I've noticed a couple of things with your posts that I hope this will help you improve. First and foremost, some of your posts are considerably assuming and... frankly... a little rude. Primarily, you are either ignoring, missing or leaving out details. I don't know which it is, but it can be a little annoying and makes things a bit difficult.

For example:

You posted "Her nose became just inches away from his."

I posted just before that "Silvador said again as he returned to the couch."

You see the conflict of details. This is not to only case. Previously, a similar even happened.

You posted "Grabbing the water from his hand, she sipped some down to refresh her dry throat."

Now, I never actually poured that drink. Admittedly, I realise I had forgotten to. But the fact is, I did not pour the drink to begin with.

I do not mean to come across as mean or demanding. I'm only trying to point out a flaw you seem to have in hopes that it will help you work on and improve it. We already have a member on the forum who blatantly ignores what is said and it is starting to turn this once very friendly forum into a less welcoming place. Please try to remember, details are key, whether they are your own or someone else's. We have only words to paint a picture, and without details to describe the scene, we're essentially stumbling about in a dark room.)

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

(Alright, sorry about that. I'm not generally like this. I'm a very avid writer. Sorry for my posting flaws. But please don't take it too much to heart. I'm still learning after all, and It's been quite a long time since I've been in a writing forum. So if you don't mind, please don't be quick to anger... If you are angry with me. I don't mean to assume things at all. I just want to carry on I guess. I'll be more careful. But right now... I'm a little intimidated by you. It's not like I'm easily sensitive, but I don't want anyone upset with me.. I'm still trying to get used to things around here. So, let's just rewind to where she was finishing the art? I'm sorry for upsetting you. It was nothing intentional.)

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

(Backing up a bit.)
She smiled in his direction for his appreciation of his art. As she set the pencil down, she footed her way to the couch and sat down gently, watching the fire's crimson and gold colors spark upon the logs.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

(It's alright. I'm not angry or upset. I just wanted to bring the matter to your attention so that you were aware of it and could improve on it. So far, you are doing well. You have great potential and I look forward to seeing you around a lot more.)

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

(I didn't say that.)

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

(*scrolls up* Ah. I didn't see it. Sorry. You must have posted it while I was writing my reply. I'll continue in a couple of minutes.)

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Oh, yes." She got back up and walked over to the desk. Having the drawing in hand, she returned to her seat and handed it to him, awaiting his reaction.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"This is very well done. Have you thought of drawing professionally?" the panther asked as he looked at the drawing. The detail was amazing.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

She shrugged her shoulders.
"I've been drawing and painting most my life... But never thought I could make anything out of it... Like a profession. That's when I decided clothing was better for my skills. I'm quite agile with my fingers..."
After the last part of her sentence she giggled lightly to herself realizing that that comment meant more way than one.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

Silvador raised an eyebrow at her for a moment. He didn't make the connection. Giving it no further thought, he gave the picture back.

"I think that you would be quite a successful artist," the panther insisted.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Thank you again. Would you like to come over to my store sometime and look at my selection? I have very nice men's clothes that will fit you nicely. And look good against your fur."
She recommended.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"I don't see why not. Thank you," Silvador said. He didn't expect he'd buy much, but he saw no reason to not accept her offer. Certainly, spending some more time with her would be pleasant.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Delightful! I'm starting to gain a little more popularity with my clothing. It's pretty exciting. And I'm working on projects for the BonBon girls, as well. I've got a lot on my plate, but I prefer to have time consuming activities... Keeps my mind off memories and such.."

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"Makes sense," Silvador looked at the fox. "We all have things we want to take our mind off. And doing something else is often an effective way of achieving that,"

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Indeed it is. Art really relieves my troubles."
Her stomach began to growl violently, and she blushed at the startling noise.
"Well..... I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain that sound." She laughed.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"I'm afraid all I have is hard candy or fruit," the panther said as he stood up. Silvador walked over to the bar and paused for a moment as he looked out the door. The rain had eased and was very light now. "But, if you are interested, perhaps I can offer you a little more." The panther turned to his guest.

"If you care to get a little wet again, I'd like to offer you dinner," Silvador said.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

She smiled at his request.
"Well, that's very kind of you. It would be wonderful. Mind if I buy you dessert."
She added kindly.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

"I was actually thinking more of a home cooked meal, if it's alright with you," the panther said.

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 20 Dec 2010 Posts: 344

"Oh! I see. That works fine too. I can invite you over for dinner sometime as well." She responded joyfully. She arose from the comfy couch and walked over to him, standing shoulder to shoulder.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 20 Oct 2009 Posts: 12351

Silvador walked over to his desk and snuffed out the lamp light, leaving just the glow of the fireplace filling the room. Before leaving, the panther placed the fire guard across the fireplace to prevent embers from escaping the still blazing log.

In the store, he closed the door to the back room after Eliza had exited and put out the few lamps around the store. When they were both ready, the black feline opened the store door and held it open for Eliza. The rain was little more than a light mist now and was rapidly dissipating.

"At least you won't get as wet as you did before," the panther chuckled as he waited for the fox to go outside.