kristinawood.com ~ View topic

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Well at least they were direct about this one. I'll be equally direct: STOP SPAMMING US!

Rank: Mr. Fabulous Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 502

Well apperantly they're not fooling around no more.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

While I can and do respect that, I wish all those spammers would take a long walk off a short pier with a set of scuba gear. (I may want them gone but I don't want them "gone".)

Rank: Mr. Fabulous Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 502

The bad thing is,if its not one spammer,its another...The good thing is they're more of a nuisance than a problem.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Small comfort but there is that. And I suppose small is better than none.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

I'm afraid I must disagree with you Mr. Gray. SCUBA diving is far too much fun for such as they to be allowed to have. Just lock them in a small room, cover them in brown gravy, and toss in a wolverine (the animal, not the mutant superhero) that's high on angel dust. Then proceed to sell the film to the America's Funniest Home Video's or some such similar organization.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

*chuckle* Like I said before, Xebulon, I may want them gone but I don't want them "gone". Though, perhaps instead of scuba gear, I should have just said an oxygen tank?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 07 Sep 2006 Posts: 1000

*chuckles* I am shocked at your concern for their welfare, Ashton. It is almost as if you consider them real people, a theory I find highly implausible.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Oh, and why is that, Fraulein Doktor?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Please permit me to field this one, Dr. Fuchs?

*ahem*

Well, in order to consider them "real people" and not simply a grossly animated pile of organs with the behavioral tendencies of a parasite (consume, reproduce, repeat), the subject/s under inspection must be possessed of a discernable level of intelligence. For the purposes of this study we are examining spammers, but this will also work for gym teachers and Blockbuster customers.

Firstly, you will need a chair and a desk for each subject to write on. Next, give the subject a standard IQ test and a writing tool. I would recommend a crayon as not only is there less change of injury to yourself or the test subject, they also make a dandy snack (the blue ones taste the best). Wink

After the subject completes the testing process, proceed to render him/her unconscious with a foam baseball bat. This is as much for your safety as for amusement. Then collect the test and feed it into the machine which does all the calculations and whatnot. Once all subjects have been tested and disposed of, compare the results and calculate the average.

Here you will notice an anomaly. The average results, every time, will indicate that the subject group has been proven to be slightly less intelligent than the chair.

Therefor, since they are dumber than piece of wood/plastic, they cannot be considered "real people".

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

That was a very amusing explaination, Xebulon, thank you. In light of that explaination, I can understand what Dr.Fuchs was saying. However, just because they are of sub-standard infant (or as you have said, chair) inteligence and therefor cannot be considered "real people" does'nt mean I wish them irreparable harm, such as drowning. Speaking of harm, why a foam baseball bat?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

As stated, to use to subdue them. Not only is it therapeutic but since the aforementioned subject groups can be prove to inexplicable and unpredictable fits of violence and feces flinging, it is safer to attempt to move them when unconscious. Afterwards, there are any number of amusing things that can be done with them. If you truly don't want to see them come to harm, then you could always release them back into the wild. But please bear in mind that members of those groups can and will harm themselves and others of their own kind. Sometimes a life in captivity is for the best. Twisted Evil

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

No, I mean why a foam baseball bat instead of a wooden or metal one or something altogether more debilitating?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Because you want to clear out the testing room only. The fun stuff comes later. I mean, you'd just be waisting the fake vomits, the chainsaws tuned to play "It's a Small World After All", the rabid wombats, laser lights, football helmets filled with cottage cheese and balloon animals. Not to mention the expense of hiring the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Very Happy

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Hm, I see your point. Though you did forget the golden oldie whoopie cusions and rattle snake egg envelopes.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Not at all my friend. However, the implementation of the processes utilizing those particular devices is not suitable for discussion amongst female company. Smile

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

I can see why you might think that about the whoopie cusions but I'm afraid you'll have to explain why you think that about the rattle snake egg envelopes.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 07 Sep 2006 Posts: 1000

Actually, I was positing the point that they are not organic at all, but rather computer programs designed to do the 'hard work' for their evil marketer overlords.

Still, Xebulon's explanation has raised another question in my mind. If you put an infinite number of spammers on an infinite number of computers, would they not eventually spam your favorite forum with the collected works of Charles Dickens?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

That is certainly possible, Doctor. However, I would not wish to test that particular theory. Wink

The results could be equally catastrophic. Not to mention going down in history as the one responsible for the "Worldwide Spam Epidemic". Laughing

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

I had a feeling you were going to say that, Doktor, but you must realize that, even if the spam we are being pestered with is coming from a computer program, it is foolish to place the scorn and wishes of ill will on the program and not the programmer themselves. And I believe you are correct, give enough spammers enough computers and they will produce Charles Dickens, the only problem is the time it takes and the damage they inflict in the time it takes them to produce said Dickens. And to you, Xebulon, at the very least, it's one way into the history books and a certain immortality.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Very true, but I don't want that. I prefer my anonymity. Smile

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

Xeb's right... making into the history books is one thing, but who'd really want that sort of infamy dumped on them is beyond me...

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Oh I'm sure we can all think up someone who would'nt mind that kind of infamy in exchange for their one little peice of eternity. Please not: I said "think up someone" not "someone we know".

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Actually, I got the name I'm using here from an old history textbook. I think it was spelled Zebulon (not with an X), but all I remember was that he was an explorer around the time of Lewis and Clark, but that he stayed mostly in the Virginia area. Unfortunately it was only about one paragraph and I haven't been able to find anything on him since.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

I thought your name sounded familiar.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 27 Jul 2005 Posts: 2568

*sigh* I leave for a week or two due to power outages and a 4 day pass, and you guys get Spam Pirates! I miss out on all the fun Razz

Personally, I find I'm never around when spammers show up. I seem to ward off stupid stuff I guess. *shrugs*

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

How fortunate and unfortunate for you. I say this because it's fortunate you can ward off those sort of things and unfortunate because stupid things are quite often hilarious.

Rank: Mr. Fabulous Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 502

Not so much hilarious as annoying... Confused

But yeah,its funny sometimes...outside the forum that is Very Happy

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

Well, that's one person's view, it's one I do not share but you are more than welcome to your own opinion.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 2112

Please pardon me whilst I brush the dust off this topic but it was the most appropriate place for this. Ok, as mush as it's probably going to pain me to learn I just have to know. How in the name of Tesla are spamers getting so damnably fast?! I just opened a new email account, to use for sending out job applications/resumes, and the first time I open it up I already have four spam messages waiting for me! Three of which wanted to know if I wanted a bigger "copulation organ"! And that's another thing! When did they decide that we're too stupid to realize that if they say "copulation organ" instead of penis that we won't know they're full of crap and actually buy their garbage?! Do they honestly believe that if they continually throw this putrescence in our faces that they can beat us into submission?