kristinawood.com ~ View topic

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

yea do i have to explain it

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

Here's one I wish I had the balls to use.

Guy: "Tell me, do you have a little Indian in you?"

Girl: "No..."

Guy: "Would you like to?"

Laughing

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

my friend used this a couple days ago
"Hey, do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checkin' out ma' package!"

Rank: Mr. Fabulous Joined: 21 Mar 2009 Posts: 413

*face palm*

Rank: Veteran Joined: 24 Apr 2009 Posts: 998

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

its kinda a burn on yourself though, hears another
"If you're left leg was Thanksgiving, and your right was Christmas, would you mind if I visited you between the holidays?"

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 1578

One I heard that actually somehow worked was something along the lines of "My face is leaving in five minutes, be on it."

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 25 Oct 2008 Posts: 234

I've always liked this one....

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

Then it gets funnier when this is said....

"I am no longer infected."

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

You got that from Monty Python's Flying Circus, did'nt you?

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 25 Oct 2008 Posts: 234

Guilty as charged, but the Pythons are geniuses when it comes to comedy, here's a vid from where I got it (one of my faves Mr. Green

)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7kPMutes2c

Rank: Mr. Fabulous Joined: 08 Feb 2009 Posts: 582

Good old Monty Python. My favorite sketch has still got to be the cheeseless cheese shop. Everytime I watch it, I die laughing.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 4668

That's one of my all time favorites too.

"Is there any cheese in this shop?"

"Oh, yes indeed, sir!"

"Now, I'm going to ask you that question again and if you say 'No' I'm going to shoot you through the head. Have you got any cheese in this shop?"

Thinks a moment. "No, sir."

BANG! "God, what a waste of human life!"

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

probably shouldn't use this one
Holding your hand out with a screw sitting on your palm: "Wanna screw?"

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 25 Oct 2008 Posts: 234

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

said this to a girl coming out of subway
Do you work at Subway? `cause you give me a footlong.

Rank: Veteran Joined: 24 Apr 2009 Posts: 998

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

not so great for my .... well you know Sad

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/brigwyn/ · Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

One of the worst I have heard was: Do you own a crash helmet, because you are going through my head board tonight!

And one used on ME at a friend's house during a sleep-over some years ago. The house was crowded so our host offered blankets and a floor to crash out on and as we settled down for the night, a young man whom I did not know from Adam said to me:
" Oh is there room for two under that banket?"
To which I replied rather sternly:
" No, It's a single and it's stopping that way!" Shocked

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 25 Oct 2008 Posts: 234

Rank: Super Veteran Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 1159

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 30 Aug 2008 Posts: 1521

I'll take a stab at the Quizno's one

"Do you work at Quizno's? Cause I want to toast my torpedo in your oven."

Rank: Veteran Joined: 24 Apr 2009 Posts: 998

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

Rank: Veteran Joined: 24 Apr 2009 Posts: 998

im sure someones gonna put a link to a commercial on youtube thats even creepier Rolling Eyes

Rank: Senior Member Joined: 25 Oct 2008 Posts: 234

It's not a pick-up line, but it's pretty funny if you think in the type of context....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pcqVQe-4z0

JIMMY!